California was ok, stupid drivers and idiots on motorbikes weaving in and out through traffic I hope they get hurt enough and learn before they get themselves killed. But, that's probably asking too much...

Aunt has cancer, and my mom had a good visit, stayed with my great Aunt a couple nights, then went to San Fran and saw the Bay aquarium, which was cool. Tunnels were great to see all the fish and with the sharks swimming over your head XD
Jellyfish can put you to sleep though, just watching them made my ADD take drugs. That probably only makes sense in my head...

The one thing though that just seemed to haunt me is still there, and it was hard to overcome it during the trip. It was nice to see my sister again, and not use to her calling her husband 'honey' lol, so they need to come up sometimes or something to spend more time together.
I had this image of a smiling face and saying 'h!' but, I know, it's not going to happen again. It's kind of a really late blow.
You know things are completely screwed up when someone you knew, thought you knew, would rather stand up for some stupid random stranger, than try to understand.
Like I'm not allowed to have freak out moments. And I'm tired of having to be the one to blame, that only I did things wrong. I just want to feel some hatred, at least to get it out before later it becomes too destructive.
I miss my striking bag.

No one, NO ONE knows me now. I'm alone again, and rage bubbles up at the thought of the bitch betraying ME.
I broke no trust... If there was any left, MY trust was broken, shattered.
And I'm not even allowed to cry or feel anger.



I don't care now about forgiving, it still makes me sad, but I've learned that when I don't allow myself to feel, it comes out and hurts me really badly, and not just emotional.
Don't, please EVER come back crying if you feel ANYthing of regret.
Don't you f*****g ever look back
Never. I don't care how much you whine about being 'right'. Wah wah, screw you.

It's going to be hard enough trying to not shove everyone new away now, but if maybe I could help this one girl to open a little. I use to be like that. Head down, mumbling things, turning away from groups. I wouldn't give up any time from those better years, but I can only think 'don't put all your trust in one person'. I'm going to be more cautious now.
God removes people that are bad for you in your life, even though they deny it, they have no idea it's him that makes it so.

Maybe I might get my scanner working again, I'd like to put stuff on...